Tell them what i hoped would be impossible
by BadassGenius
Summary: According to most people, Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery Shepherd was a lucky woman. She was a world-class neonatal surgeon with a Master in Genetics, had an amazing husband and a lovely daughter. Still, there was something missing.  Derek mentions


**Fandom:** Grey's Anatomy  
**Character: **Addison (but she's still married to Derek, Derek mentions)  
**Rating:** T  
**Status**: One Shot - Complete  
**Disclaimer : **Characters and show belongs to Shonda Rhimes. Title of the fiction belongs to Shontelle, it's a line of her song "Impossible".  
**Author's Note: **This idea came to my mind while watching "Orphan" with my roommate yesterday. For those who have seen the movie, this fiction has just a couple of things in common with the movie so you won't get crazy women affected by rare diseases who pretend to be a child. I wrote this on the train while coming back home and it' pretty plotless (LOL), I hope you'll like it!

**Tell them what I hoped would be impossible.**

According to most people, Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery Shepherd was a lucky woman. Life had always been very generous with her: she was born wealthy, her family had always given her everything she needed, she was a world-class neonatal surgeon with a Master in Genetics, Med School gave her an handsome husband who gave her an adorable daughter.

Being a surgeon, Addison used to spend her days at the hospital and so did her husband. Things started to change when Rebecca Alexis Montgomery Shepherd came to life.

That little girl changed Addison and Derek's lives forever. That so wanted but so unexpected child was the missing piece to the perfect puzzle of their life.

The redhead asked for a long maternity leave and she got it, eventually. Her husband was the happiest man alive and, every time he held his daughter in his arms, his eyes sparkled like diamonds under the sun.

When Rebecca turned one year ld, Addison had to go back to work but, thank God, her sister-in-law Nancy Shepherd volunteered to look after the child while the Shepherds were at work.

A beautiful family, a strong career, a huge brownstone, big cars and good friends are everybody's dream but still, Addison felt like something was missing. She knew what she needed but she didn't want to admit it because it was the only thing she should have never wished for: another child.

Derek and Addison had been trying to have another baby since Rebecca was three years old but they never succeeded. She knew she had been lucky with one child but Derek didn't want to give up, he suggested her to try something different, something related to medicine and science.

And so they did. The Shepherds booked a flight to Los Angeles where they asked for Naomi's help. The fertility doctor did everything she could to help Addison getting pregnant but it was like the neonatal surgeon wasn't supposed to be a mother again.

We all know that, sometimes, miracles happen. Sometimes we get rewarded for our sacrifices. The day before leaving for N.Y., Addie took her last pregnancy test and she couldn't believe her eyes because it was positive. She started to sweat cold, her knees trembled and tears started streaming down her face.

Addison started to jump and scream in happiness. Both Derek and Becca were so happy for her. Derek shed tears of joy and felt so proud of his wife for not giving up on her dream of being a mom again. Little Becca was all excited and immediately told all her friends that she was going to have a baby sister or a baby brother.

The pregnancy went well, it wasn't a risky pregnancy and Naomi, who moved to N.Y. to take care of her new miracle, ensured Addison that the baby would have been fine, perfect, healthy.

The baby happened to be a girl. Becca couldn't have been any happier than that, she really wanted a baby sister to play with. Picking the right name was the hardest thing and it took them a long time to decide it. One snowy afternoon, while eating chocolate-drops cookies and drinking a warm chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows on it , the Shepherds came to a conclusion: the baby girl would have been called Olivia Madison Montgomery Shepherd.

Time passed and Addison was getting closer to her due date. One night, three weeks before her due date, Addison felt an incredible abdominal pain. It was so severe that she could barely breathe. It was like someone was punching her stomach with sharp scalpels but the pain was coming from the inside instead, she felt like she was about to implode.

She hoped she was about to have her baby even if she knew that those weren't the symptoms of giving birth but, most of all, her waters hadn't broken yet and contractions hadn't even started.

Derek woke up because of her cries and looking at her, he got scared. Addison had heavy black shadows under her beautiful light blue eyes, she was sweating like a normal person would while jogging and she was trembling like a leaf.

The neurosurgeon drove the fastest he could to the hospital with Addison crying, her hands on her belly, sitting right next to him and Becca scared and rambling in the backseat.

In the very moment a nurse helped Addison to sit on a wheelchair in order to easily bring her to the E.R., the pregnant woman felt wet between her legs. Not like the first time, though. She felt something warm, something dense. Addison summoned up all her strength and moved a hand between her legs and her biggest fear became reality. Blood. Gore. A lot of blood. Addison screamed terrified and then she lost consciousness.

When Addison woke up, Derek was sitting on a cozy black armchair by her bed. Becca was sleeping in her daddy's arms. Becca looked fine, Derek looked shattered.

She lifted her left hand and touched her big belly. It was gone. It wasn't there anymore._ Olivia_ wasn't there anymore.

Addison knew what Derek was about to tell her but she didn't want to listen to him, she just wanted to be left alone, to die maybe. She didn't want to face that awful truth. Not yet. She wasn't ready for that. All she needed was her baby daughter, she didn't want to give up on her.

Derek started to cry and confirmed her thoughts: baby Olivia had been dead for three weeks and Addison risked a blood poisoning. The surgeons had to take Liv out of her body while she was unconscious; they couldn't wait for her to wake up because the infection was spreading in her veins.

That was the worst thing that could ever happen to a woman: carrying a dead baby in her body, thinking that it was about to come to life, making plans for the newborn.

Baby Liv got buried three days later and after her death, Addison gave up on her dream to have another child. Even a simple miscarriage would have destroyed her.

She would have loved Becca with all her heart but she would have never ever tried to give her a sibling.

Thanks to Derek's love, Addison managed to walk tall and to be fine. She didn't experience depression because all her beloved friends helped her through the darkest period of her life. Derek pushed her to be strong, if not for the two of them, for Becca. And so she did.

It's been more than one year since baby Liv died and Addison is now a stronger woman. At least on the surface. She's still devastated inside but she's gotten so good to hide her pain behind a fake smile that nobody would have never imagined that something so terrible and painful had happened to such a beautiful smiling woman like the She-Shepherd was.

It was bedtime for Becca, who was six years old and loved her baby sister even if she had never met her.

"Read me that story again!" she told her mother while getting into her own bed.

"Not tonight, honey" Addison gently replied.

"Pretty please!" Becca begged her mom while giving her her puppy eyes.

"Okay then" Addison laughed a little "One upon a time there was a little girl who was about to have a sister. This little girl, Kimberly, waited all night for her baby sister to come to life but something went wrong. When mommy Caroline came out of the O.R. she wasn't holding baby Kim but she was crying. Kimberly asked for her baby sister but daddy James told her that Kim was playing with the angels. That Kim herself was now a beautiful angel. Kimberly cried because she really wanted to meet her baby sister but-" Addison, interrupted by Rebecca, wiped away her tears and swallowed.

"Is baby Liv an angel, mommy?" she asked, concerned.

"Of course she is, sweety" Addie kissed her daughter on her forehead

"I would have loved to meet her" the little girl whispered.

"Me too" Addison was starting to lose it.

"I think that my baby sister would have been a beautiful girl" her eyes were sparkling.

"Yes" Addie's voice was breaking "Just like you"

Becca hugged her mommy tightly and kissed her on the cheeks.

"Don't cry, mommy" she whispered to Addison's ear "She wouldn't like to see you like this"

"You're right…" Addison agreed "We'll bring her some flowers tomorrow, okay?"

"Sounds like a plan!" the kid exclaimed, letting her mother go.

"Now sleep" Addison gently said while tucking her daughter in.

"I love you, mom" Becca whispered as she closed her blue eyes "And my baby sister, too"

Addison skipped a heartbeat. She wasn't sure if she liked talking so much about Olivia or not. Sometimes she felt like she was ready but other times she didn't feel ready at all.

"I love you too…" she replied "Both of you"

The redhead closed the door and went downstairs. She poured herself a drink, sat on the sofa and started drinking her scotch while looking at Olivia's ultrasound scans.


End file.
